Why it matters how we talk to AI

A colleague was recently impressed by how courteous I was to an AI assistant. She said, tongue in cheek, that when AI takes over the world, I’ll be spared, while those who habitually hurl abuse had better watch out because it remembers everything!

It’s an interesting thought, but that’s not what drives my behaviour.

How we behave is a reflection of who we are and what we stand for, whether it’s how we talk to our kids, how we treat our pets, or how we care for our kitchen utensils.

Saying “thank you” to the room

As a professional presenter and facilitator, I have spent a lot of my life moving in and out of hotel rooms. When I am about to leave a room and am scanning for any forgotten belongings, I have a little ritual of thanking the room.  Yup, I actually say “Thank you, room”.

A staff member who was helping me carry my stuff out of my room once burst out laughing when she heard me say this. Then she said she was actually impressed by this show of gratitude.

If you’re in a position of leadership, including parenting, the people you’re responsible for are always watching and listening to what you say and how you say it. This applies to work and especially home settings, where we’re often working on a device within earshot of other family members.

Always remember, as leaders and role models, our behaviour sets the culture.

How Siri saved my marriage

The developers of AI have carefully trained it to be submissive and non-judgmental. I have sometimes joked to my wife about how Siri’s calm, pleasant manner has saved our marriage by taking over the navigation when we are driving somewhere hard to find. (You’ll never hear Siri growl at a driver, “What are you doing? I said turn left!!”)

This raises another important consideration about how we respond to AI agents. I’m not sure whether it was intentional or just a bias among the chiefly male tech developers, but most of these voices are female.

Rude or aggressive comments made to these female voices subconsiously reinforces dangerous habits about how women are treated. This should be a concern because domestic violence continues to increase in our so-called civilised society.

Are we normalising violence against women?

Professor Ramona Vijeyaras at the University of Technology, Sydney, has highlighted alarming rates of verbal abuse directed toward virtual assistants and chatbots, with 10% to 50% of interactions involving abusive language. She says that much of this would be unrepeatable in “normal” conversations, as it is so offensive, and these rates are significantly higher toward female voices.

Those of you who have been reading my Tips probably know I’m not a great fan of how AI is infiltrating all aspects of our lives without adequate consideration of unintended consequences. This issue of enabling inappropriate behaviour, especially towards women, is one of them.

So, next time you feel an urge to swear or curse at an AI agent, just remember, not only are others likely to be aware of your behaviour, but it’s also saying something about you and might unintentionally be affecting your own mental state of mind.

Given that we are all going to be using these agents more and more, let’s give them the respect that all animate and inanimate entities deserve. (And when AI does take over, you might be spared!)

Until next time!