The Cubicle of Truth

I had just delivered the opening keynote at a franchisee conference. Prior to going on stage, the company’s Founder had quietly sidled up to me and enquired with genuine interest if I was nervous.

I explained that I try to practice what Jim Collins calls ‘productive paranoia’, and am constantly on the lookout for any signals that things are not quite right. In this case, I had worked closely with the conference team and double-checked that everything was as it should be. I’d also prepared well, and the culture of the business was friendly and curious. We both concluded that I was comfortably nervous, which was a good thing.

The session subsequently seemed to go well. I was to present again after a coffee break, so I slipped out to visit the men’s restroom.

A few minutes later, I’m sitting in a cubicle when two conference participants come into the restroom. They, of course, don’t know I am there.

“So, what did you think of that session with Greg Nathan?”

I cringe slightly, bracing myself for what I am about to hear. I also consider what a privileged position I’m in. After all, how often do we find ourselves literally listening to what other people honestly think about our work?

Why it’s hard to get the truth

While most of us claim to value transparency and truth, our actions tell another story. Instead of engaging in straight talk or open listening, we often sidestep or swerve around issues, or we mask messages that might make us or others feel uncomfortable.

At the other extreme, if we are annoyed because someone’s work has undermined our pet agenda, we blurt out emotionally charged, critical comments. These are usually distorted accusations that ignore important facts. Neither approach is very helpful.

If these guys in the restroom knew I was quietly listening, I’m sure they would not have been so open and relaxed in what they were about to say.

As it turns out, their comments were complimentary and they both concluded that the session was outstanding. They also said they were looking forward to hearing more from me. Phew!

As they continued to chat while washing their hands, I stepped out of my ‘cubicle of truth’, behind them, kind of like Superman stepping out of a phone booth, and cleared my throat. They turned their heads to see who was there, and after a moment of stunned silence, we all burst out laughing.

I have to say, the feedback I receive hasn’t always been so positive. Many years ago, I hadn’t done my homework on a group and naively walked into a hostile culture.

During my presentation, a disgruntled franchisee got hold of the microphone under the guise of asking a question and then went on a rant against the franchisor. What was worse, we couldn’t get the mic off him. “I’m not done yet!” he shouted, grasping it tightly to his chest like it was his life’s savings.

The CEO was furious, and in his ‘feedback’, he blamed me for losing control of the group. So on that occasion, I had to deal with two lots of angry rants!

The Magic Questions

Most of us have experienced this type of emotionally charged, critical feedback, which no doubt contributes to our later fear of giving or receiving it.

Brain scans of people who are told they are about to receive feedback reveal that it can trigger a strong threat response similar to when we think we are going to be attacked.

But how can we ever hope to improve at what we do if we aren't open to receiving regular, honest feedback?

The answer is in the question. Here's a simple tip that can make this feeling of being criticised disappear. Instead of waiting for feedback, be proactive and ask for it using these two specific questions.

What am I doing that seems to be working and that I should continue doing?

What could I specifically do that would improve what I am doing, even slightly?

I call them the Magic Questions, and there are two reasons why they are so powerful.

Firstly, they put you in control of the feedback process, which makes it an empowering, rather than belittling experience.

Secondly, they are both constructive questions, and they prevent the conversation from going down a negative rabbit hole.

These are also great questions to use whenever you are debriefing any type of process.

Keeping feedback constructive

The natural tendency of a team when reviewing its work is to focus on what isn't working or what didn't go well. In our project debriefs at FRI, we always start with what went well and gather this first before exploring what we could do to improve what we have been working on.

This is also the approach I advise franchisors to take when seeking feedback from their franchisees, and for franchisees to take when seeking feedback from their field consultants. Don’t just ask what others think of an initiative or your business. Ask what is working well and what you can do to improve.

In summary, regularly using the Magic Questions and even incorporating them into your business processes is a practical way to get honest and useful feedback without having to hide in cubicles to hear the truth!